Library Books SUCK!

So this past weekend I decided to get a library card and start checking out books for free instead of single handedly keeping my local Barnes & Noble afloat. (They know me by name - I'm in there way too much.) While I enjoy the free reading, I'm grossed out at the books themselves.

Let's start with the fact that about every third page of all the books I've read so far are dog eared. How rude is that?! These aren't your books so why would you purposely damage them? I guess because the general population at large is too lazy to find a scrap piece of paper. I mean, it would be way too difficult to use the receipt you get every time you check out a book as your bookmark. Better to just bend the corners of the pages at will.

While the bent page corners make me angry, the weird and mysterious stains on about a third of each book makes me sick to my stomach. Some stains are identifiable. There was mustard on about 15 consecutive pages of a book I read yesterday (I wish I was joking). There are also the Cheeto/Dorito thumbprints on very large number of pages of many books. I guess wiping your hands, much less washing your hands, is way too inconvenient, especially for the people who can't use a bookmark.

But the absolute worst are those disgusting brownish booger-looking stains that were in every single book I've read so far, and in some books more than once. WTF?! That just gives me the heebie-jeebies. What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is wrong with people?! I'm thoroughly disgusted. Every time I get up from reading I wash my hands. God knows what kind of cooties you can catch from the crap is on the covers and pages. Did I say crap? Uh-oh. One more reason to get totally grossed out.

Seriously, some scientists should study the contaminates on library books. I'd bet a million dollars their findings would be astonishing. Then again, if I had a million dollars I'd just go to Barnes & Noble and buy all my books.

Last Scene Alive / Poppy Done To Death

The last two books in Charlaine Harris' Aurora Teagarden mystery series are Last Scene Alive and Poppy Done to Death. These two were like all the others in the series. I think this is why she stopped writing this series. The character of Aurora Teagarden just isn't that interesting to keep going with this series. While murders and mystery seem to surround her, she's a boring little librarian in a boring little town. The books themselves were OK. I'm glad I finished the series but I would never pick these up to read again.

A Fool and His Honey

A Fool and His Honey is the sixth book of Charlaine Harris' Aurora Teagarden mystery series. The book starts with the unexpected visit from Aurora's husband's niece and her two week old baby (surprise! no one even knew she was pregnant). The niece goes missing and the niece's husband ends up dead on Aurora's property. Now she and her husband Martin are left with a baby to care for, a murder to solve, and some screwed up family issues of Martin's to deal with.

Overall, these Aurora Teagarden mysteries are quaint, quick little reads (no heavy lifting required). I classify this as an airplane/beach read. I stopped buying these from the bookstore and checked this one out from the library. They're light, fun reads but I don't want to keep the books once I'm done reading them.

You Suck: A Love Story

Christopher Moore is one of the funniest writers ever! I picked up You Suck: A Love Story from the library on a whim and ended up laughing so hard I was crying. This is the sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends, which the library did not have so I'll have to backtrack on that one sometime.

As you can tell from the book cover this one is about vampires. This outrageously funny book is about a (good) vampire couple and the crazy situations in which they find themselves. Along the way they pick a minion, a 16 year Goth/Emo chick who calls herself Abbey Normal (a tip of the hat to Young Frankenstein, I'm sure) though her name is really Allison Green. The chapter where I broke down into tears of laughter from which it took me quite a while to recover is told from her perspective as she wrote it in her diary. I won't ruin the moment for you but I started my hysterics when she compared her best friend to Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbird, followed by a description of how traumatized she was from seeing a naked old man.

You have to read it for yourself. I guarantee this book will make you laugh. You owe it to yourself to add it to your book list. Christopher Moore is too great a smart ass to not read his stuff.

Reservior Dogs

I finally watched Reservoir Dogs by Quentin Tarantino, just one of many movies in my queue that I should have already seen (but haven't). What an amazing movie. It's not just the story and plot, it's how he chooses to deliver the story to us. It starts in a warehouse after a botched jewelry heist. The details of the characters and certain parts of their get-aways are told in flashbacks, while the main story continues in the warehouse where they try to figure out who set them up.

And what a killer cast (pun intended)! Harvey Keitel as Mr. White, Tim Roth as Mr. Orange, Michael Madsen as Mr. Blonde, Steve Buscemi as Mr. Pink, Quentin himself as Mr. Brown, as well as Chris Penn and Lawrence Tierney. Mix these first class actors with Quentin's highly skilled story telling ability and the result is movie making at its absolute finest. This was made in 1992 and I can't believe I didn't take the time to watch this before now. If you haven't seen this yet, add this to the top of your queue. This is a must see movie.

Untamed

Untamed by P.C. and Kristen Cast is the latest installment in their House of Night series. I have to say that I'm hooked on this series. The writing is good and the story is a grand epic of good vs evil in the world of vampyres (right up my alley).

Zoey Redbird is a young woman who has been marked by the vampyre goddess Nyx as being exceptionally special. Her aim is true and her heart is good. Her nemesis turns out to be the powerful high priestess of Zoey's school, Neferet, who has turned away from Nyx and chosen a path of evil. Only a small handful of Zoey's closest friends know the truth and it's up to them to stop Neferet in her quest for dominance.

If this sounds at all intriguing to you, pick up the first book in this series called Chosen. If you decide you like it then there are three more books waiting for you.

Bite and Powers of Detection

I just finished reading Bite and Powers of Detection, both collections of short stories by various authors. The former focuses on vampire stories and latter on supernatural murder mysteries. I bought them because Charlaine Harris, author of the Sookie Stackhouse vampire series on which the HBO series True Blood is based, wrote stories for both of these collections.

Bite has the short story that goes after Dead to the World and before Dead as a Doornail. It's only about 20 pages long, but we're introduced to new characters and there's an occurrence that turns out to be the catalyst for events in subsequent books. You don't need to buy this book, but you'll definitely want to at least check it out from the library so you won't feel lost.

Powers of Detection has a Sookie short story but it's not "required" reading to keep up the novels. This one focuses on Claudine and Claude, fairies that occasionally help Sookie out of trouble. The book was OK. I finished reading all the stories but I wouldn't recommend it.

Righteous Kill

Righteous Kill is one of the top 10 worst movies ever made. It begs the question: Why did Pacino and DeNiro choose this movie, of all the movies in the world, to star in together? Do not waste your time on this horrible movie. It's two hours of your life you'll never get back. If you want to read more about how bad this movie sucked, check out my other blog: http://jandkatthemovies.blogspot.com/

Shadow of the Vampire

I just watched Shadow of the Vampire, which is a fictional movie about the making of Nosferatu. The fabulously gruesome part of this movie is that it posits that Max Schreck, the guy who played the vampire, actually IS a vampire! The vampire is brilliantly played by Willem Dafoe for which he earned an Oscar nomination. His performance in this movie is absolutely worth your time to watch this. It also stars John Malkovich who plays the director Murnau. The scenes they have alone together are quite dynamic.

It was fun to watch this movie right after watching the actual 1922 film Nosferatu. I liked watching them "film" the scenes from the movie, and I think they used a couple shots from the original film. If you have the inclination I suggest you watch the original followed by this film. But if you can't tolerate silent films you really should watch this anyway - I guarantee you'll like it even if you haven't seen the movie it's based on.

Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone - 10th Anniversary Edition

Being a total Harry Potter geek I ran right out on Tuesday to pick up the 10th anniversary edition of Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone, primarily because there were rumors of additional content. I was a little disappointed on the "additional content" which turned out to be a drawing of Severus Snape as JK Rowing had always seen him in her head. It was cool to see, though, and if you're a fan I recommend perusing the front of the book at a bookstore so you can see it for yourself. Other than that, I don't think there's a reason to purchase this book if you already have one.

In reading it, though, it was fun to notice that they made corrections to the text from the original printing of the book. For example, in the original version, when they're at the start of term feast at Hogwarts Nearly Headless Nick tells Harry that he hasn't eaten in nearly 400 years. This conflicts with the next book which takes place a year later where Nick has his 500th death day party. So in this new edition it's corrected to say that Nick hasn't eaten in nearly 500 years. Yes, I'm a total geek - haven't you figured that out yet?!

I realized that I hadn't re-read the series since the last book came out. It's fun to read the beginning of the series knowing now how it ends, and also realizing the significance of many, many things in this first book. I never would have guessed that the way Harry caught his first snitch at his first Quidditch game would play a key part in the denouement of Deathly Hallows. Or that Dumbldore's put-outer that he used on Privet Drive in the very first chapter of the series would even show up again at all, much less in a very significant way. These are just two examples that highlight how technically well-crafted these books were from before she even wrote a word.

Anyway, I loved reading this again. It's like putting on a warm pair of fuzzy slippers and wrapping up in a cozy blanket on a cold winter day. There's nothing like a good book, no matter how many times you've read it.

Nosferatu

So, as you can probably tell from my recent posts, I'm on a bit of a vampire kick right now. So I decided to rent the old 1922 silent film Nosferatu, which is a German rip-off of Dracula. (Bram Stoker's estate sued and lost, FYI. Apparently, changing the names of the characters was good enough to prove that you had an original story back then.) They must have thought movie goers were idiots and slow readers back then. The text they throw up on the screen to explain and/or advance the story is up there for about 10x the amount of time it actually takes to read. They also show certain things repeatedly like we're all too dumb to remember what we saw five minutes ago. And, overall, it was really slow-moving compared to what we're used to watching now.

Having said all that, it was sort of fun to watch. I was impressed at the creativeness of the special effects - yes, that's right, special effects! Pretty amazing considering there wasn't Industrial Light & Magic to turn to for help. And the guy who plays the vampire, Max Schreck, is really creepy looking even by today's standards.

If you have any interest I recommend watching this when you're in the right mood for this type of film. Be prepared to hate the supposed "hero" of the movie. He's a total idiot and you'll probably end up rooting for the vampire to get him like I did. However, his wife actually has the ability to use her brain and she ends up saving humanity from the evil vampire. Which goes to prove that if you want something done right send a woman to do it! (But she can't be too smart or else she never would have married that tool in the first place.) Anyway, enjoy.

My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding

I just finished reading another book of short stories by various authors called My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding, which, obviously, centers around supernatural weddings. I enjoyed reading it but it's not something that I would strongly recommend to anyone. I picked it up because there is a story in there by Charlaine Harris who wrote the Southern Vampire Series (featuring Sookie Stackhouse) on which the HBO series True Blood is based. Her story doesn't feature the characters from that series, but it does take place in that "universe" with vampires and werewolves. If you're interested, maybe check it out of the library instead of purchasing it.

Burn After Reading

The Cohen brothers hit a home run with Burn After Reading. I was laughing out loud throughout this whole movie. This dark comedy is more intelligent than the usual stupid comedy that everyone puts out these days (such as every Will Ferrell movie ever made). These A+ actors were so much fun to watch in the horrible mess of a plot that only the Cohen brothers could conceive and bring to life. You should definitely make it a point to watch this.

Mission Impossible III

I caught Mission Impossible III on cable this weekend. I'm glad I waited to see this movie. When it was released in the theaters it was around the time when Tom Cruise was all over the place being weird and I was really sick of him. I was able to watch this movie more objectively than I would have before. Philip Seymour Hoffman is exceptional, as he always is. Everyone else is OK. It was a decent movie, but maybe a little too long. It's not great but worth the time if you haven't seen it yet and you have a couple hours to kill.

Many Bloody Returns

I finished another book of short stories by various authors called Many Bloody Returns: Tales of Birthdays with Bite. The requirement to write a story for this compilation was that is had to be about birthdays and vampires. I thought it was amazing that all the authors could write such different stories about the same topic, ranging from grim to funny and everything in between. Of course, the reason I bought this book was that Charlaine Harris wrote the first (and funniest) narrative, which is a little side story for Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman of her Southern Vampire series (which is also the basis for the new HBO series True Blood). I enjoyed all but one story in this book. If you're willing to gamble on liking the writing styles of various authors, I suggest you pick this one up sometime.

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Night's Edge

I bought a few books that are collections of novellas and short stories by various authors. The first one I finished was Night's Edge which contains three novellas. Of course there is a sci-fi edge to all of the stories. (Surprise, surprise coming from me, huh?) The first story, the best one of the three, involved discovering why ghosts haunt a particular house resulting in the solving of a crime. I really couldn't get into the second story which also involved a haunting. I just didn't like the writing and therefore couldn't relate to the characters or the story. The last one was by Charlaine Harris and is the reason why I bought the book. She's the one who writes the Southern Vampire Series I've blogged about (which is also the basis for the True Blood HBO TV show), and this story was part of that "universe" though with a completely new set of characters. Overall, I would say not to waste your time on this book. You can probably find something more enjoyable to read.

Be Kind Rewind

I just finished watching Be Kind Rewind with Jack Black, Mos Def, and Danny Glover. All the VHS tapes in a video rental store get accidentally erased so our two buffoons remake all the movies themselves (a.k.a. sweded). As it turns out, their little neighborhood likes the sweded versions more than the originals and they're a huge success. The movie is mostly silly, but there are several very funny parts. If you haven't seen this one yet you should put it in your queue.

The Women

It was a rainy day so I went to the movies with my mom to see The Women (her pick, of course - you know I'm more of an action/sci-fi girl), and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting a boring chick flick. While this was predictable in some ways, it was funnier than I thought it would be and very well acted. Every single person in this movie was a woman; there weren't even any men in the background. Having said that, it wasn't an anti-guy movie. If you have a rainy day with some time to kill, give this one a shot.

Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder was so much funnier than I thought it would be! I thought there would be funny moments in between general lulls in the comedy, but I was laughing throughout the whole movie. It's about a group of spoiled actors who aren't pulling their weight on a Vietnam war movie, so the director drops them into the middle of a jungle in Vietnam to get them to act their parts better. They think they're filming certain scenes in the movie, but they're actually in the middle of a drug lord's territory. It's absurdly hilarious. If you haven't seen it yet, do.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

OK, I have to admit that I liked Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. I liked their first movie too and this one delivered the humor just as well. The plot isn't the point in these movies - it's the crazy situations they keep finding themselves in. It's definitely silly humor, but I highly recommend you check out this movie.

Hellboy

A friend of mine suggested I give Hellboy a try. Hmm. I think she might start losing her movie credibility with me. In all fairness to her, I also wanted to see it because Guillermo del Toro, the director, made a couple other movies I really liked (Pan's Labyrinth, The Orphanage). I didn't like it. It wasn't horrible but it was too long and a little boring. I was fast forwarding through several parts of the movie. I probably won't pick up Hellboy 2. I wouldn't recommend it.

The Egyptian Cross

My dad recommended an old Ellery Queen mystery, The Egyptian Cross. The fun part about these old Ellery Queen books is that once the main story is told, there is a challenge to the reader to figure out from all the clues, not guess, who did it before old Ellery solves it for you. I didn't guess correctly (yes, I guessed) but at least I did, at one point, guess the correct person and motive even though I dismissed it and went in a wrong direction. I wasn't into it for about the first half of the book. There were a huge pile of obvious red herrings and the story didn't begin to be cohesive until about halfway through. I might pick up a few more sometime in the future.